Miller, Monroe, When Gods Die
Posted: Tuesday, February 14, 2012
by Dawn Novotny
Dawn Novotny LCSW
There was a haunting scene in the movie, My week with Marilyn which showed a devastated Marilyn having just found Arthur Miller's notebook where he wrote about his disillusion in their marriage. Mind you, they were still newlyweds. Shortly after her death, and much to the dismay of many critics, portions of that notebook morphed into Miller’s Broadway play entitled, After The Fall. A review of the play in The New Haven Register stated, "It’s a universal experience that is significant to us all, that teaches us anew the duality of good and evil in man, that achieves a moving synthesis of truth and beauty.”
I love this quote by John Welch, a catholic priest with a PhD from Notre Dame, "When a person's desire attempts to find total fulfillment in someone or something, that person or thing begins to take the place of God."
Over the course of my lifetime, just like Marilyn, I have made gods of men, alcohol, and careers. I have worshiped at the altar of education and at the feet of the people who I believed had the power to redeem me from my perceived badness, my fundamental flawed self. And I’m sure my experience is universal for many people.
In his book, When Gods Die, Welch, describes the painful process each human being must wrestle with on their individual life journey; to finally come to the understanding that no person, relationship, place, reputation, career, or future plan is capable of providing total meaning and satisfaction.
After food and shelter, and a few other basics, each human being instinctively gravitates toward some sort of life meaning. That indescribable thing called "getting a self" or the "inside work.” One has to search, find, and then come home to the self if one is to experience a lasting peace and satisfaction, but the danger is that we would keep appropriating others to meet these needs. Joseph Campbell, author of The Hero's Journey addresses this arduous process, in the many faces of the hero's journey, "Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again."
As despicable as Arthur Miller's portrayal of Marilyn may have been in his thinly disguised Broadway play, Gloria Steinem aptly describes his psychological process as he begins his decent into a kind of hell, "...the beginning of his long slid into a caretaking role that required cajoling, scheduling, explaining, worrying about Marilyn's pill-taking habits, and supplying emotional support."
Marilyn's neediness was devouring him alive. After my years of research about Marilyn, I have no doubt that this was the case. Even Marilyn's psycharitirst, Dr. Greenson, reports feeling exhausted under the pressure and responsibility of caring for Marilyn with the threat of another suicide attempt always hanging above her constant chaos.
The point of this article, however, is that Miller seemed to blame his decent into hell solely on Marilyn instead of taking responsibility for the ways in which he appropriated her.
One of the reasons for the public's outrage regarding After The Fall, seemed to be centered on Miller’s failure to acknowledge Marilyn's loyalty and financial contributions throughout his years of legal battles with HUAC and Washington's court of Appeals. Miller had been charged with contempt for refusing to name names of people who the courts believed to be involved in communist writings. Miller was cleared in 1958, thanks in part to the financial support of Marilyn. Then there was the fact that Miller wrote the screen play for the Misfits. In additions to her youth, beauty, stardom and popularity, he desperately needed her financially.
Welsh says about creating our gods, "Two deaths begin to occur. First, whomever or whatever is being asked to be a god cannot bear it. The expectation is too much for any part of creation and it begins to die under the pressure."
Looking at their dynamics from a wide angle lens, it would appear that Miller was devouring Monroe. In other words, their appropriation of the other was mutual and two deaths slowly began to occur during their four year marriage.
In her ground-breaking research, Barbara Leaming's Marilyn Monroe offers a griping portrayal of Hollywood's rich and famous, theater and politics, the McCarthy era, and Marilyn's involvements with Frank Sinatra and the Kennedys. Her book is filled with smashing intrigue, deceit, betrayal, affairs, personal demons, tragedies and heroics. But more importantly her book is a study of the shadow side of human nature regardless of how famous or infamous one may be.
I identify with and feel great compassion for Arthur Miller, who wrestles with the burden of trying to hold up another human being while you yourself are drowning. I have been in that self-imposed situation many times in my life while learning to extricate and differentiate myself from others. I have allowed myself, consciously or unconsciously, to be consumed by others needs.
Likewise, my heart aches for Marilyn who heroically fought her demons while using others to get her needs met, more than many of them could bear. I cringe remembering those that I have used intentionally or unintentionally.
As we awaken to our sacred selves, we discover that we all are human; we are all connected in our choices of relationship. Each of us create gods with a small g while on our collective journeys to a God with a capital G, the sacred space of finding oneself.
In looking over your life, can you identify any "God's" with a small "g"?
Have you ever held up another while weighing yourself down?
Are you aware of a time that you were used by another?
Are you aware of a time that you used another or others?
Author, Barbara Leaming. Marilyn Monroe
Author, Gloria Steinem. Marilyn
John Welsh.O.Carm. When Gods Die. A Catholic Priest with the Carmelite Order.
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Another captivating (for me) article.
I so enjoy reading your articles- for me, they are validation for my own thoughts about life and human nature. I did seek validation in some form- "Seek and ye shall find."
On the part about using each other- I've come to the conclusion that we all use each other- and we must- we're all we have....I don't think it's if we use, but how we use- sometimes this use slips over into abuse of that privilege- then it becomes wrong.
I tried to demonstrate this in my article- Second Hand Rose.
Speaking of Marilyn, who seems to be an icon for this sort of thing, I think that she was indeed used more than she used back. That shouldn't happen of course, but we know that it does sometimes. I think that we all have to monitor our own level of usage. The idea is to keep the using and usage at a fairly equitable level- if possible.Some people are willing to spend more pence to get what they want than others- but it is our decision- to spend or not to spend.
Some people will take advantage of this- as in the case with Miller- he drained her last pense to the dregs to get all he could out of her- because he could. I call that selfish and ruthless- some people are that way-predators, who prey on people they know they can rape- for it is a form of rape, is it not?
We might say that Marilyn was repeatedly and thoroughly raped.
She was indeed a victim.
Thanks Dawn- it's been a pleasure. Always Ella
Save CommentHi Ella,
I agree with everything that you said here. I don't know that Miller intentionally used her in the beginning. I think, like so many others, he fell in love with the image of Marilyn rather than Marilyn or Norma Jeane.
I also think that Marilyn's demons made it pretty near impossible for anyone to ever make her feel loved enough. She was a handful and her addictions added to those impossible demands.
Not proud to say that I have been on both sides of the God with a small "g".
Thanks Ella, dawn
I've re-read your article- and probably will read it again- each time I have and will find more knowledge to ponder.
I have indeed been the god with a small g for most of my life. I have in the last few years began a search for a god of my own- but knowing from experience the other side of the fence, I will be more watchful about any undue pressure I may be exerting. I think that most of us experience (and should) both sides of this fence. In my poem, I demonstrate my progress in this journey. Thanks Dawn- for oiling my wheels :) Always EllaHe Ella,
Maybe you have to get old like me or in someway have life kick the sh...t out of you until you just surrender into what is. I have few outside gods with the little, "g" anymore (sometimes eating sugar or zoning out on tv makes me forget whatever it is that I am anxious about) but for the most part, I work on getting to know the God within.
Thank you so much Ella for you thoughtful comments. DawnMy birthday is Sept.1st-1942. In the ensuing years since that date, I think I can say that I've had more than the s***t kicked out of me- Life tried to take my very heart and soul. Among others of closest nature-I've lost to death two of my four children-at the ages of 18 and 36. I don't feel sorry for myself because of this- others have suffered the same and more- I see it as my karma to deal with. Thanks to the god within me, I've managed to survive somewhat in tact.What I've sought is a compatible similar god. I think that once we find that god within, we must then learn how to use it to our own best advantage. Thanks so much for the conversation Dawn- I've enjoyed it immensely. Always EllaBoy oh boy Ella, sometimes I wonder how any of us have made it as far as we have without ending up in the loony bin (I probably should have checked myself in there a few times along the way). Karma better be the explanation for some of these tragedies or I will really be mad in the next reality, OR maybe I just won't care. LOL, Best dawn
Yikes! What insight! Nice turn of phrase and rhythm, great pacing that makes me read and read and read! I like to think I'm good with comedy, but I can never come close to your depth and insight of human conditions. F. Scott Fitzgerald coined the phrase "Tyranny of the weak." As I have grown older, I see it creeping around me . . . yet it's usually women who are caretakers. It's okay for females to devote our lives to sustaining others, but men wear it like a heavy halo and want constant recognition. Your analysis of gods and heros makes me question why icons are necessary. Sometimes even a bad example serves a purpose."Tyranny of the weak." Wow! What a great expression. I have written a book which will be back on the market in a few weeks (removed for grammatical and punctuation errors). In the book I talk about my beloved grandmother who we children believed to be a nothing short of a religious saint.
"Meanwhile, my brother and I, our grandmother, some neighbors, and even our local parish priest, dismissed our mother as being all but the antichrist, due to her lack of trust in God. Anything my mother did or said in resistance to our grandmother’s wishes, was viewed by my brother and me as being mean and selfish. We saw Grandma as the consummate saint and our mother as the consummate sinner. To us she was always “missing the mark" like Thomas did in doubting Jesus.
Well into our adulthood, my older brother and I saw our mother as mean, cruel, and petty, while remembering our grandmother as sweet, meek and loving. We blamed our mother for the way Grandma slinked around the house, acting like a victim to our mother’s mean tongue. Today, I can only imagine that my grandmother’s passive-aggressive behavior must have incited at least part of my mother’s perpetual anger. After all, who can ever defend themselves against the “righteous?" And who can defend the “irreligious?" Ragdoll Redeemed: Growing Up In the Shadow of Marilyn Monroe
For my mother's sake, I wish I knew then what I know now. "Tyranny of the weak" indeed!
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