Sexy Shoes or Hiking Boots?
Posted: Friday, February 10, 2012
by Dawn Novotny
Dawn Novotny LCSW
In 1965, learning to be an effective wife seemed no different to me than learning to be an effective airline stewardess or, for that matter, a woman. Exquisite attention and skill had to be applied to the facade of being a wife, a stewardess or a woman. At least that is how I interpreted the messages that I was incorporating into my repertoire of how to be female.
I took these warnings quite seriously during the years of my budding femininity, associating this admonition with sheer economics. A girl had to learn how to save money to ensure her future, and a girl had to learn how to ‘handle men’ to ensure the future of her idealized life.
As many of us are products of our era, this notion of focusing on looks to keep your man was what my mother drilled into my head during my teenage years as well. Oh boy, did she! The single most important goal that she held was for me to believe that without a man by her side, a woman didn’t have a chance in the world—a belief that held great merit in her day and shared by many women. I endured a constant assault from her to achieve perfection on my hair, makeup, posture and weight.
Marilyn Monroe is reported to have remarked bitterly, “In Hollywood, a girl’s virtue is much less important than her hairdo. You’re judged by how you look, not by what you are.”
I was sixteen years old and Mamie Eisenhower was the First Lady of the United States. She seemed to support the Leave It to Beaver example of how to be a wife—exquisitely illustrated by a quote taken from a 1950s high school textbook for a home economics class, “Prepare yourself. Take fifteen minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup and put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking.” These were the skills being taught to the young women of my generation right alongside the second wave of feminism.
Tell me:
What does being a woman mean to you?
Does being a woman and being feminine mean different things to you?
How do you present your feminine side?
Can you switch easily between sexy shoes or hiking boots?
Which do I wear?
I love both and am comfortable in either. I have a part that loves to go hiking, camping and remain grungy for days on end even while another part of me puts on makeup before leaving my tent.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)--
Dawn,
How much do women follow these precepts these days? 50%, 75%, or ? Or doesn't anybody care?
RonHi Ron,
That is what I am trying to find out. I have no idea but I suspect it depends on the age or generation in which the woman was raised. I have heard younger women say they wish that they knew more about their feminine side but haven't paid much attention to that aspect of themselves as they have grown up in a generation where it is all about getting an education and career. They have been taught that they must depend on themselves for their future (as opposed to marriage or a man). I think, as a society, we are all still sorting through the male/female, domestic, financial, etc. stuff.
Thanks for the comment, Dawn
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