What Are Your Personality Facets?
Posted: Friday, January 06, 2012
by Dawn Novotny
Dawn Novotny LCSW
One night my husband and I were at the casino. While waiting for the Big Band music to start, (we love to Jitterbug) we played the slot machines.
After about ten minutes, I said to my husband, “Honey, why won’t this machine honor my pairs?”
He said, "Poker doesn’t care about pairs."
I replied rather indignantly that I was not playing poker.
“Gin Rummy,” I replied.
Confused, I glared at him, as he fell off of his stool in gales of laughter.
“Honey,” he said, “there is no slot machine on the planet that plays Gin Rummy.”
Ok, Ok, so now I get it. But honestly, I have come to love this bumbling part of myself that innocently manages to get through life. I especially appreciate that this aspect holds deep compassion for all things imperfect, even downright defective.
So tell me, do you have any bumbling parts of yourself that embarrass, disappoint or even frighten you? Well then, grab a cup of tea and let’s chat awhile. I want to know your thoughts about this subject. I want to know what makes it difficult or easy for you to find self- acceptance or self-compassion. I bet that you are just like me. I bet that you experience roles/parts/aspects of yourself that just give you fits. Do you ever find yourself berating or trying to hog tie certain parts of yourself only to find that they get louder and even more demanding? I know, I know. Me too!
I want to talk about cultivating a self-compassionate heart. Religions teach us not to judge, to have compassion for others, but what about for ourselves. How do we cultivate compassion for ourselves? Especially for these troublesome parts! That is exactly what this blog is about. The more I can accept the parts of myself that I get frustrated, angry, judgmental, and hateful toward the more freedom of choice I have to change my behaviors. This naturally leads to a more compassionate heart toward humanity at large.
Here are a few facets of my personality that caused me some sleepless nights until I learned to get to know them and how they live to serve me. I have this part that is totally task driven. Give it a job to do and it will drag, push, or even ram its way through any obstacle, including people, to get the job done. This aspect of me is exactly like a machine. It has no feelings. When in charge, it is not in relationship with people; heck, it’s barely connected to me. It only focuses on the end result dragging me, sometimes kicking and screaming, along for the ride. Then again, thank God for this part, when not manic, because it got me through two Masters’ degrees in spite of a diagnosis (twice) of borderline retardation (their words).
That brings me to another part of myself that I call “the mess.” I can’t spell, I read words by memorization, not phonetically, and certain parts of speech confound me. This aspect of me is truly inept and we already know that it can’t play poker.
“Allow yourself to think in terms of all your parts,
the ones with which you are very familiar, the ones
which have not been developed and the ones which
you may not even know exist. Think of each of your
parts as a resource, regardless of whether it is the same
or different from anyone else’s or whether you
consider it bad or good. Whatever you have represents new
possibilities of yourself.” Virginia Satir
We usually never stop to think that a troublesome part of ourselves is truly trying to serve us in some way. Once we really get to know all of our various components, even the most undesirable ones, they each have redeeming qualities.
Can you name 5 of your personality facets?
Do you consider them friend or foe?
Could these traits possibly be trying to serve you in some way?
Satir, Virginia. Your Many Faces. Celestial Arts. Millbrae, California (1978)
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Bumbling parts of myself that disappoint and embarrass me? Oh, let me count the ways!
Ask me what my strengths are, and it will be a short conversation. I actually believe that I've made great strides recently by not talking bad about myself so much. Woohoo!
We had a writing assignment a while back where writers were supposed to write on the favorite thing about themselves, and participation dropped to half that week. I wonder if this phenomenon occurs more frequently in creative people, like writers. Hmmm.Hi Bruce,
I don't know if this happens more frequently in creative people or not. I am learning that that my compassion for others increases tenfold when I can have more compassion for my "lepers" within. That is what my entire blog site is about regardless of the topic I am writing about. You know that old saying, Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me." I so long for peace on earth.
I have come to believe with every fiber of my being that I project my inner barbarians onto others in one way or another. I must first know then compassionately (forget loving) accept myself. Let peace begin with me.
Thanks for commenting Bruce, I really appreciate it. Dawn
"Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me."
You know, I don't believe I've ever heard that before, and I love it. Today is my birthday, and I'm going to make this my motto for year 45. Thank you so much Dawn.Happy Happy Birthday Bruce. You are such a neat guy. Blessings, dawn
Thanks for great insight into the strangeness that comes with our personality traits or our IQ.
I had my IQ tested over 20 yrs ago, and the first thing I was asked before they told me what it was: "You have trouble with other drivers who miss opportunities to go at the stop sign don't you?" "Yes, was my reply" In fact, most drivers do not move at my pace, but I found out it comes that way, if you have a high IQ, but that isn't always good.
Sometimes we have to learn that we are not alike, nor move at the same pace, and that maybe those who are slower enjoy life more....or are less stressed.
We are who we are, and our minds/cells operate at the speed or intellect given us, and we must adjust or end up angry, confused, and frustrated, the inability to adjust keeps us from peace.Hi elle,
You are so right when you say that we ultimatly have to adjust at the speed of the intellect given to us and to who we are but there in lies the rub. There are so many ways in which I want to be different than I am. Acceptance of myself has been a long and winding journey but I can see my destination just up the road a ways.
Be well, dawn
What a great article, Dawn. I remember taking a class when I was a teenager that talked about character traits. There was a long list of what are considered our Negative traits, but alongside them were their accompanying Positive traits. For each negative, there is a corresponding positive, and often, all we have to do is realize that this part of ourselves has a gift and a function that it is trying to accomplish, and we are only seeing the flip side of it. We can grow into the more positive side, by - like you said - accepting and nurturing ourselves. Truly - this is a beautiful article. Thank you!
And Happy Birthday, BRUCE! Thank YOU for all you do for us writers!Hi Liesl,
Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting.
Wow! I am so impressed that you took a course, as a teenager no less, about character traits. I wish everyone had this opportunity.
Of course we have to take responsibility (and perhaps actions) for the parts that hurt others or ourselves but if we could just calm down our internal critics with more compassion we would all be better off.
Kind Regards, dawn
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